Not many people get cricket. Even in countries that play cricket. Even in countries like India where people pray more to Sachin Tendulkar and seldom go to Siddhivinayak. Like who’s gonna stand in line at a temple from 4 in the morning so that you can get a spot at 10 in the morning, when you can be jostling for space in the North Stand at Wankhede? And for what? Just to have a fraction of a peek at some idols for not more than two seconds before you’re pushed away by the pujari so other’s can have their share of almost-peeks. Come to India and you realise everything is a business here. Even religion. Religion is probably the biggest business. But, apparently, Srinivasan and Dawood Ibrahim have made cricket a bigger business than it has ever been.
Like any other game, though, cricket is riddled with funny occasions, players and commentators trying (and subsequently failing) to appear witty, and generally embarrassing things.
So here are a few wacky quotes from the world of cricket, for your pleasure. Sit back, relax and enjoy!
“A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can’t be more than 30” – Michael Abrahamson
You know what they say about people with big hands.
“That slow-motion replay doesn’t show how fast the ball was travelling” – Richie Benaud
Yeah, no shit.
“How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?” – Rafa Benitez struggling to come to terms with Test cricket
“Clearly the West Indies are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do” – Tony Greig
“The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey” – Brian Johnston as Peter Willey faces up to Michael Holding
Now read that out loud, without the comma.
“It’s a perfect day here in Australia, glorious blue sunshine” – Christopher Martin-Jenkins
Apparently the sun’s blue now.
“Sorry, skipper, a leopard can’t change it’s stripes” – Lennie Pascoe
I think you got the wrong animal there, sir.
“And there’s the George Headley stand, named after George Headley” – Trevor Quirk
How would you react to this if you were on a tour of the stadium and the guide said this?
“No good hitting me there, mate, there’s nothing to damage” – Derek Randall to Dennis Lillee after being hit on the head by a bouncer
“This ground is surprising. It holds about 60,000 but when there are around 30,000 in, you get the feeling that it is half empty” – Ravi Shastri
“A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a fracture of the shin” – Jo Sheldon
Facepalm of the highest degree.
Aaaand that’s it for Wacky Quotes! I hope this little change in theme and name wasn’t just an awesome thing in my head.
Speaking of awesome, next week onwards we revert back to Awesome Quotes so do drop in next Friday!
Until next time, folks!