Ever seen a platypus wandering in the desert? Or a man born in 1846 teleported to Times Square of 2015? Obviously not unless you ARE the platypus and the man out of time.
But have you ever entered the wrong room? Like, you have an exam, your Finals maybe, and you’re scared shitless, because, let’s face it, you’re underprepared, so you’re walking in the hallway, your head bowed down, skimming as speedily as it can over the book you hold in your hands. You bump into every other kid, but at least you’re not looking down to your phone screen, right? There’s a chaotic typical Middle Eastern bazaar kind of situation in your brain, with exam material shooting from one end to another, interspersed with thoughts about self-worth, including, but not limited to your attire at the moment, your hair, whether you’re giving off a too-nervous vibe, and tons of other stuff. Among all this hullabaloo, your brain messes up with your memory and serves you up with the wrong classroom number, which you obviously believe is right and walk into it. You don’t see your serial number on any of the benches. What are you now?
I’ll tell you.
Confused is what you are.
Believe it or not, that little thing above was all just an introduction, a prelude, a prologue to this post.
But yes, confusion is what I’m talking about. There’s a considerate amount of confusion going around in my life these days. And I think about it now and then. Sometimes it overwhelms me, but other times I’m like, “Yeah, I got this,” and then I sort out all the shit in my head but it gets un-sorted before I can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. So I’ve learnt I should write stuff down.
I’m 17 so you kinda get the different kind of things that may be confusing me.
I’m not naive to think that adults don’t get confused. I was that way a few years back but I get it now that there’s a few things that never go away.
But the 16s and 17s are a weird age. 18, 19 and 20 are probably thinking right now, “Oh, we gonna come in like a wrecking ball, yeah!”
I’ve seen posts on Facebook and stuff that go, ‘2015, go easy on me” or “October, please be gentle” and at first I’m grinning a bit and then later I’m like, the hell is that about? You want to do the exact same thing you did in September and you expect October to be easier. How in the world do you expect to have luck that outrageous? So yeah, your grades aren’t going to shoot up if you’re still playing Battlefield all day.
I kinda drifted away from the topic, confusion.
Basically, I was thinking about the blog, and writing in general and brainstorming today morning. And I was reflecting on the last few posts I’ve made, what I think works and what doesn’t.
And then something dawned on me. I don’t know if it can be classified as an epiphany but its definitely something. I was thinking that I created this blog for the primary purpose of writing fiction. I used to think that I will probably write something more than that but I always thought I would have enough fiction pieces to not need too much more to keep the blog ticking over. But I was wrong (yeah, pragmatic part of my brain, you can say “I told you so,” now).
However, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. One thing I understood right at the beginning is that this blog is something I want to have for a long time to come. I want to write, for a long time to come. I also understood that things like this evolve, over time, into what they are meant to be ultimately. What I didn’t understand however, is that what I’ve started out doing, may not be what I end up doing.
What I mean is, I started out with this blog to write fiction, 90%. In the end the pieces may not fit that way. That’s what the confusion is all about.
I get the feeling that fiction is what I want to do. But at this point in time, its non-fiction that’s coming more easily to me. Maybe its just a phase, but its certainly made me think.
As I said, the 16s and 17s are a weird age, and I’m discovering so much right now. And I don’t mean discovering stuff on the internet, I mean discovering, coming to realisations, borderline epiphanies when I’m just sitting around looking into the sky, thinking. And this is going to happen a lot these days since my holidays have started and the number of things I need to do add up to a staggering number of nil.
You just witnessed an outpouring from my mind. You should probably sit down and process if you read this from one of those stand up desks I hear you people have at workplaces now. Contrastingly, you should probably get up and take a few rounds around your couch if you were sitting in the first place.
Once you’re done, do let me know if you guys have ever been through stuff like this? Epiphanies, confusing thoughts, too much time on your hands, whatever, let me know about it 😉