The Future

Today is the 2nd of October. Its celebrated as Gandhi Jayanti, here in India, and I hope, in the rest of the world as well. The ‘father of our nation’ as he’s called, Mahatma Gandhi, was born on this day 146 years ago.

Its a day usually involving looking back at his life, how he voyaged, along with the rest of India, through the troughs and peaks of the freedom struggle. Its a day usually involving a fair bit of reminiscing.

But let’s not do that. Let’s instead look forward. Let’s look to the future. I’d like to look to the future instead.

What does the future hold for me? What would I be like, what would my life be like 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now?

I honestly don’t have a damn clue.

IMG_20150320_195649You know how they say that its not good living in the past? Well, I believe its not good to look too far into the future as well. Just as there is no point in thinking too much about what has been, there is no point in dwelling too much on what, possibly, probably, is still to come. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and promise yourself you’ll get where you want to be, no matter what. No. Matter. What.

I am in one of those phases right now when I don’t know whether I should be enthusiastic about my future or not. I know what I want to be, and I have a very rough idea of how I can go about it, but I am honestly not sure about it all at the moment.

For me, the next three to four months are the most crucial months of my junior college life so far. I have my terminals towards the end of this month (for which I’m obviously not yet prepared completely), prelims (preliminary is the full form; they’re basically like mock tests before our final 12th Board Exams), and then the 12th Boards in late February, and will stretch up to late March. After that I have a couple of months off, not to figure out what I want to do next, that is kinda a little late, but just to take a breather before I plunge back into the fray.

After the next decade or so, I aim to see myself having a profession, of some kind, in the field of Psychology. Of course, writing will be my side-business, so don’t you people worry about me ever stopping writing 😀 I have been doing some research regarding careers in Psychology and Sports Psychology has interested me a lot. Other branches of Psychology that interest me are Criminal Psychology and Couneselling/Therapy. Are any of my readers here Psychologists, or do you have knowledge about that field? I’d love some advice or anything you have that could help in any way.


That was me contemplating about the past, present and future. What do you look forward to?

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Writing’s Easy, Said Nobody Ever

At the expense of being very blunt, I’m going to say that writing can be very tough. Getting someone to read what you’ve written can be even tougher.

I don’t mean to disconcert those just starting out in this very competitive but equally rewarding field that demands you to be constantly spewing out word after word, page after page. Hell, I’m just starting out in this field too. And at first, this fact probably disconcerts all. I hope it does. You are constantly reminded that you need to find inspiration and put pen to paper (or fingers to keys, whichever works for you) and this, sort of prompt, pushes you to write. Fear isn’t bad until you allow it to be so.

However stupid or illogical it may sound, inspiration is everywhere. Not all of us find inspiration in the same things, people or places, obviously. Inspiration doesn’t necessarily have to mean complete ideas of what you should, must or want to write. That would just be plagiarism. No, inspiration can mean different things to different people. Two things that mesmerise and intrigue me to no extent are clouds and the sky, its hues, shades, the fact that it is basically endless. I find a lot of my ideas when I’m just staring away into the sky, admiring the patterns that the clouds make, some thin and wispy, others thick and bulbous.

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And that’s all well and good, but there are no local inspiration stores and at times it disappears as swiftly as it came to you. And that’s why you have to create inspiration. And that’s obviously easier said than done. I ain’t got no philosophy to that because it is as elusive to me as it is to you. Probably more.

Sometimes I catch myself backspacing a lot. Or scratching out what I just wrote, if I’m using pen and paper. And it’s not always because there was a mistake or I wrote a word in the wrong tense or anything. Its because there’s this little thing inside all of us called The Critic, whose job is conveniently described in his name. And he’s arguably the worst critic of all physically existent as well as non-existent critics. Trust me, he’s the worst. I can’t seem to emphasise that enough. I’ve been at the mercy of that critic for a long time but his words slowly mean less to me although they are always taken into consideration but never shown the way to the heart. We must all show this critic his place and keep him there.


Recently I’ve been a little off with all the fiction writing and all and I thought it was because I wasn’t giving it enough time or I didn’t have inspiration. I found out that, yes, I wasn’t giving it enough time but the inspiration was there all along. I even wrote down lots and lots of ideas down in my notebook or in the note-taking app I have. Why I couldn’t materialise that is a lot of factors actually: I was out holidaying and returned just before Christmas after which I had to complete pending college work while also studying for my tests (which just got over today (yayy)).

So, today I was just staring into the sky, because I have nothing to do for a few days now since college is temporarily closed for us 11th graders, and I got to thinking about why I’ve been writing relatively less fiction lately and I came up with this idea of sharing what I’ve learnt about writing over the short number of years I’ve been writing.

This is intended to be motivating and uplifting when you’re fishing for words to put on that blank page or generally when you’re looking down the barrel of another barren, wordless day. Or anytime, really. Reminding myself of these things definitely motivates me.

So, go write! 😀

All’s Well That Ends… Oh Wait…

Image Courtesy - www.wallmild.com
Image Courtesy – http://www.wallmild.com

There can only be two reasons for looking at the sunset. And by looking, I mean actually sitting there, enjoying the breeze and appreciating the alluring, vibrant hues of yellow, red and vermillion. These reasons are: 1. When we’re really happy and 2. When we’re not. In rare cases there is a third (like, you’re out at the beach with your family so instead of building lousy old sand castles with your younger sibling you’re looking at the sunset), but the state of mind ultimately boils down to these two reasons.

The other day I found myself looking out at the sunset. A lot of thoughts drifted through my mind and I usually have a pretty long train of thought that doesn’t last beyond the moment so I can’t really recount those thoughts here. Surprisingly, I don’t remember whether I was particularly happy or not at that moment. It was definitely a mix of both. The circumstances in my life would make me think that it was more of not-happy than the opposite (my 10th Grade results are under a week away).

I’ve always had a positive approach to life to the point of being called an unabashed optimist. I’m certainly not ashamed of that despite my optimism not materialising in various situations.

I believe failure doesn’t deserve the amount of hate it receives. People are not supposed to fear failure. They are certainly not supposed to go hunting for it with axes and clubs but at the same time one must always reserve a margin for possible failure. It is in this aspect that I regret being the brazen idealist that I was.

I used to believe that even when I did not give my best effort, everything would turn out fine and that my effort was ‘just enough’. Obviously, it turned out to be far from enough and this would make me doubt myself. This self – doubt would deprive me of self – confidence and anxiety would creep in. I started setting unrealistic goals for myself and I always thought that whatever I did was not enough. It was a vicious cycle. It had to be broken sometime.

Like the hero in most movies, I fought my demons (and I’m still fighting them), but life’s been much better since that teensy – but – oh – so – ginormous epiphany about a year back.

Well, this ain’t therapy and I’m definitely not looking for a shoulder to cry on (like I would ever do that). Usually I just keep writing when I do, so one thing kinda led to another.

Anyway… thank you for bearing with me and here’s a little story (like a potato at the end of long memes :P):

Continue reading “All’s Well That Ends… Oh Wait…”