Wacky Quotes: Cricket

Not many people get cricket. Even in countries that play cricket. Even in countries like India where people pray more to Sachin Tendulkar and seldom go to Siddhivinayak. Like who’s gonna stand in line at a temple from 4 in the morning so that you can get a spot at 10 in the morning, when you can be jostling for space in the North Stand at Wankhede? And for what? Just to have a fraction of a peek at some idols for not more than two seconds before you’re pushed away by the pujari so other’s can have their share of almost-peeks. Come to India and you realise everything is a business here. Even religion. Religion is probably the biggest business. But, apparently, Srinivasan and Dawood Ibrahim have made cricket a bigger business than it has ever been.

Like any other game, though, cricket is riddled with funny occasions, players and commentators trying (and subsequently failing) to appear witty, and generally embarrassing things.

So here are a few wacky quotes from the world of cricket, for your pleasure. Sit back, relax and enjoy!


“A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can’t be more than 30” – Michael Abrahamson

You know what they say about people with big hands.

“That slow-motion replay doesn’t show how fast the ball was travelling” – Richie Benaud

Yeah, no shit.

“How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?” – Rafa Benitez struggling to come to terms with Test cricket

“Clearly the West Indies are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do” – Tony Greig

“The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey” – Brian Johnston as Peter Willey faces up to Michael Holding

Now read that out loud, without the comma.

“It’s a perfect day here in Australia, glorious blue sunshine” – Christopher Martin-Jenkins

Apparently the sun’s blue now.

“Sorry, skipper, a leopard can’t change it’s stripes” – Lennie Pascoe

I think you got the wrong animal there, sir.

“And there’s the George Headley stand, named after George Headley” – Trevor Quirk

How would you react to this if you were on a tour of the stadium and the guide said this?

“No good hitting me there, mate, there’s nothing to damage” – Derek Randall to Dennis Lillee after being hit on the head by a bouncer

Hehehehe

“This ground is surprising. It holds about 60,000 but when there are around 30,000 in, you get the feeling that it is half empty” – Ravi Shastri

Facepalm.

“A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a fracture of the shin” – Jo Sheldon

Facepalm of the highest degree.


Aaaand that’s it for Wacky Quotes!  I hope this little change in theme and name wasn’t just an awesome thing in my head.

Speaking of awesome, next week onwards we revert back to Awesome Quotes so do drop in next Friday!

Until next time, folks!

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Wacky Quotes: Football

So, last Friday, I dropped a little hint about the theme for this week’s Awesome Quotes: sports. And to serve that purpose, Awesome Quotes is, for a two week period, Wacky Quotes!

In the face of brutal acts like the school massacre in Pakistan, the Charlie Hebdo murders in Paris or countless other such outrageously inhumane deeds, if there’s anything we need and must muster, its unity. In the eye of the storm. If we are to salvage the slowly but surely crumbling constructs of our society.

And I believe sport and music are probably two of a very, very few things under the sun that truly unite us.

So, Welcome to the first ever edition of Wacky Quotes! This week we take up football. The one that’s also called soccer. Not the one that involves charging into each other, trying to disarm the other of an egg-shaped ball, ending up almost dismembering them. shudders

Football is, for a very valid list of reasons, the most watched sport on the planet. I haven’t been one of those guys who has watched football since forever. My family isn’t the football kind. We’re more into cricket and so was I until maybe three years back.

Once you really understand it and appreciate it, football is a wonderful game.

But no sport is truly complete without training interviews, pre-match interviews, post-match presentations, press releases, and other media features. It is during these situations that coaches, managers, staff, and players either drop gems or complete bombs.

Wacky Quotes, however, is here to bring you just the bombs, no strings attached. For your pleasure.

So enjoy, go LOLing over some of the wackiest quotes from the footballing world.


“We lost because we didn’t win.” – Cristiano Ronaldo

The multiple Ballon d’Or winner has had great moments in his glittering career. This, wasn’t one of those.

“I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.” – Stuart Pearce

Hell of a mixup, Mr. Pearce.

“I’d rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.” – Johnny Giles

Its going to be rather difficult finding that last one, Johnny boy.

“Sometimes in football, you have to score goals.” – Thierry Henry

Pretty weird coming from a striker of such stature.

“One year I played fifteen months.” – Franz Beckenbauer

He ain’t bound by no laws of time crap, bruh.

“I have a good record there. Played one, won one.” – Steven Gerrard

May the odds be ever in your favour, Stevey.

“It’s an unprecedented precedent.” – Clark Carlisle

Well, uhm…

“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.” – Mark Draper

Sure, Mark, right when Barcelona up and relocates down to Italy.

“I think that France, Germany, Spain, Holland and England will join Brazil in the semi-finals.” – Pele

Pele invents a new game.

“Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.” – Jose Mourinho

No list of wacky quotes is complete without Mourinho.


Aaaand that’s it for this week’s Wacky (Awesome Quotes)! Check in again next Friday for the second edition of Wacky Quotes, this one on Cricket!

See ya guys next week!

A Brief Pit Stop

Its good to slow things down every once in a while. It can be fun too. If you’re that kind of a person who likes to let your foot of the pedal after a long run, stick your head out of the window and enjoy the wind brushing by your face, like a little dog.

And then you pull your head back in and your foot back on the pedal and swear back at the drivers who just called you things that you’d rather not write on your blog.

I don’t slow down as often as I should. And yes, even a 16 year old who hardly has any workload from college needs to slow down. And he did yesterday.

My college is a great college. Its got a ground that along with the surrounding small road is probably the size of a few colleges of very unfortunate students. And that’s just the ground. So, it goes without saying that the college is very spacious. However, like anything that exists, it has its lows as well. One is that it has practicals for Physical Education.

I mean, what? That was how I was when I first heard we were going to have them. We didn’t even have them in school. In the 10th. In ICSE! And that’s saying something. So they make us do sit-ups (squats, if you want to call them that), long jumps, 100 metre sprints (in the time it takes you to stop panting after the sprint, Usain Bolt could have circled the globe, like, five times) and throw this one tonne iron ball in a fun little game called shot put. And if it isn’t already interesting, this is where it becomes just that: there are two practicals, one per term. Like after barely one month, we’re going to be able to jump longer, run faster and throw harder. Dammit, I haven’t been able to improve in the physical department that fast in all the sixteen years I’ve lived. If you could do that, you’re a living legend. Or you were doping.

I did fairly well the first time around, but the second time, which was yesterday, I didn’t care that much. So I got a little lax on the sit-ups (more so because they really make my thighs pain and then I can’t sprint as well as I could have without them) but I did run hard and I did throw the one tonne iron ball farther than I think I did last time.

We had to go to college for an hour yesterday just for the practicals and then I had to go fetch my younger sister from her drawing class about half an Usain Bolt minute away from college. But I had about forty minutes to waste before her class ended. And going home and then coming back didn’t make sense. So I decided to take the opportunity to do some of that slowing down I’ve not been doing enough of.

My description on Twitter says I enjoy the little things in life. And that’s just how I was when I took a very slow walk. The right earbud in my very expensive but apparently over-priced earphones is non-responsive so I was forced to look at things, and people while on this walk. And I happened to catch some pretty interesting things.

Not to get too morbid or anything but I stumbled into a dead crow stretched on the pavement right across from a dead rat. I like to think they had a duel to the death. For unknown reasons. But they’re knights of their respective species.

You wouldn’t be ill-advised to take a little break now and then. Even if its just for about half an hour, like the one I took. Provided your heart and head are both in the break while the rest of your body is in it.

But don’t get carried away too much or you’ll be sitting wrapped up with a sweater, cooped up in bed, because you had something cold to drink and caught the flu, like me. Also wearing a pair of gloves (not because you’re cold but because they’re really comfy).

Awesome Quotes: Criticism – Making and Taking It

Criticism – both positive and negative – is a part of life, whether you like it or not. There are always those who do not hesitate before hurling careless pieces of ‘advice’ at you. It takes some grit, heart, and determination to get through times like those. You have to believe.

Okay, enough of the humdrum serious introductions, let’s lighten up a bit here. The last edition of Awesome Quotes was serious enough. This time round, though the theme sounds pretty deadpan, I have tried to make it as humorous and lively as I can. These kind of features can get boring real quick.

So, with a fresh collection of quotes at your disposal, enjoy and get inspired!


“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” – Oscar Wilde

I guess we can all agree with that.

“To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” – Aristotle

“Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.” – Dave Willis

“A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.” – Kenneth Tynan

Amazingly explained, don’t you think?

“Throughout the centuries, there were men who took first steps down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision.” – Ayn Rand

This one sounds so much like something Tolkien would say. Add a little upbeat soundtrack and have Cumberbatch read this and you have inspiration on-the-go!

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey

So, stop whining and go have yourself a little session of therapy.

“Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticise them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey

This one is definitely the best of the lot.


Aaand, that’s it for this week’s Awesome Quotes! As always, please comment down below and tell me if you have a cool idea for a future edition of Awesome Quotes and do not forget to drop in again next Friday for the next collection!

Have a great first weekend of 2015! 😀