Wacky Quotes: Cricket

Not many people get cricket. Even in countries that play cricket. Even in countries like India where people pray more to Sachin Tendulkar and seldom go to Siddhivinayak. Like who’s gonna stand in line at a temple from 4 in the morning so that you can get a spot at 10 in the morning, when you can be jostling for space in the North Stand at Wankhede? And for what? Just to have a fraction of a peek at some idols for not more than two seconds before you’re pushed away by the pujari so other’s can have their share of almost-peeks. Come to India and you realise everything is a business here. Even religion. Religion is probably the biggest business. But, apparently, Srinivasan and Dawood Ibrahim have made cricket a bigger business than it has ever been.

Like any other game, though, cricket is riddled with funny occasions, players and commentators trying (and subsequently failing) to appear witty, and generally embarrassing things.

So here are a few wacky quotes from the world of cricket, for your pleasure. Sit back, relax and enjoy!


“A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can’t be more than 30” – Michael Abrahamson

You know what they say about people with big hands.

“That slow-motion replay doesn’t show how fast the ball was travelling” – Richie Benaud

Yeah, no shit.

“How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?” – Rafa Benitez struggling to come to terms with Test cricket

“Clearly the West Indies are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do” – Tony Greig

“The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey” – Brian Johnston as Peter Willey faces up to Michael Holding

Now read that out loud, without the comma.

“It’s a perfect day here in Australia, glorious blue sunshine” – Christopher Martin-Jenkins

Apparently the sun’s blue now.

“Sorry, skipper, a leopard can’t change it’s stripes” – Lennie Pascoe

I think you got the wrong animal there, sir.

“And there’s the George Headley stand, named after George Headley” – Trevor Quirk

How would you react to this if you were on a tour of the stadium and the guide said this?

“No good hitting me there, mate, there’s nothing to damage” – Derek Randall to Dennis Lillee after being hit on the head by a bouncer

Hehehehe

“This ground is surprising. It holds about 60,000 but when there are around 30,000 in, you get the feeling that it is half empty” – Ravi Shastri

Facepalm.

“A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a fracture of the shin” – Jo Sheldon

Facepalm of the highest degree.


Aaaand that’s it for Wacky Quotes!  I hope this little change in theme and name wasn’t just an awesome thing in my head.

Speaking of awesome, next week onwards we revert back to Awesome Quotes so do drop in next Friday!

Until next time, folks!

Wacky Quotes: Football

So, last Friday, I dropped a little hint about the theme for this week’s Awesome Quotes: sports. And to serve that purpose, Awesome Quotes is, for a two week period, Wacky Quotes!

In the face of brutal acts like the school massacre in Pakistan, the Charlie Hebdo murders in Paris or countless other such outrageously inhumane deeds, if there’s anything we need and must muster, its unity. In the eye of the storm. If we are to salvage the slowly but surely crumbling constructs of our society.

And I believe sport and music are probably two of a very, very few things under the sun that truly unite us.

So, Welcome to the first ever edition of Wacky Quotes! This week we take up football. The one that’s also called soccer. Not the one that involves charging into each other, trying to disarm the other of an egg-shaped ball, ending up almost dismembering them. shudders

Football is, for a very valid list of reasons, the most watched sport on the planet. I haven’t been one of those guys who has watched football since forever. My family isn’t the football kind. We’re more into cricket and so was I until maybe three years back.

Once you really understand it and appreciate it, football is a wonderful game.

But no sport is truly complete without training interviews, pre-match interviews, post-match presentations, press releases, and other media features. It is during these situations that coaches, managers, staff, and players either drop gems or complete bombs.

Wacky Quotes, however, is here to bring you just the bombs, no strings attached. For your pleasure.

So enjoy, go LOLing over some of the wackiest quotes from the footballing world.


“We lost because we didn’t win.” – Cristiano Ronaldo

The multiple Ballon d’Or winner has had great moments in his glittering career. This, wasn’t one of those.

“I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.” – Stuart Pearce

Hell of a mixup, Mr. Pearce.

“I’d rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.” – Johnny Giles

Its going to be rather difficult finding that last one, Johnny boy.

“Sometimes in football, you have to score goals.” – Thierry Henry

Pretty weird coming from a striker of such stature.

“One year I played fifteen months.” – Franz Beckenbauer

He ain’t bound by no laws of time crap, bruh.

“I have a good record there. Played one, won one.” – Steven Gerrard

May the odds be ever in your favour, Stevey.

“It’s an unprecedented precedent.” – Clark Carlisle

Well, uhm…

“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.” – Mark Draper

Sure, Mark, right when Barcelona up and relocates down to Italy.

“I think that France, Germany, Spain, Holland and England will join Brazil in the semi-finals.” – Pele

Pele invents a new game.

“Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.” – Jose Mourinho

No list of wacky quotes is complete without Mourinho.


Aaaand that’s it for this week’s Wacky (Awesome Quotes)! Check in again next Friday for the second edition of Wacky Quotes, this one on Cricket!

See ya guys next week!